Monday, April 22, 2013

Order out of Chaos, Part 2


(After I wrote this post, I realized it is a partner to this post. So let’s call it a series, as I have a feeling I’m going to be talking about “the R-word” a lot here on this blog...) 

I don’t know why I always couch discussions of our Routine in terms of Henry’s needs; I crave structure and routine just as much as he does, if not more. And not just routine, but order. That whole “a place for everything yada yada yada” is hard to live by when the place is different every 3-6 weeks. I feel like my life is comprised of nothing but packing, unpacking, organizing, cleaning - and then repacking and starting it all over again. 

For the past week we’ve been staying with B’s folks outside Richmond, which meant we had to commute up to Fairfax for performances over the weekend. We spent the night on Friday, so we packed up a small overnight bag. No big deal, right? But! In order to clear out a suitcase to take, I had to empty all of Henry’s clothes onto the extra bed, and I had to take a few things from this bag and a few from that and where is the phone charger? and don’t forget your music and on and on. Now the weekend - 12 hours of driving and 8 hours of performing - is over... and everything needs to find its way back to Order.

How I wish I were the kind of person who thrived in chaos! As a military “brat,” I had the luxury of reinventing myself every time we moved. I remember distinctly deciding, the summer before 5th grade, that when we moved in the fall I would turn over a new leaf and get organized. Until that point, I had regularly been That Kid, running screaming for the school bus, “wait for me!!” because I was slow and disorganized and dawdled over my breakfast. I was ready to gain some control over my environment, so when we moved to Maine (way, way up north), I became “a neat freak.”

B said he understood this aspect of my personality when he heard an interview with Stephen Sondheim. He likes to do crosswords every day, and when the interviewer asked him why, he said that he likes to “make order out of chaos.” Order out of chaos. My constant desire.

It’s really about control, isn’t it? As a military brat, I had very little control as my environment shifted every few years. Now, as an itinerant musician, it’s the same. I’m not in my own kitchen, bedroom, closet, bathroom for more than a few months out of the year. I feel displaced. So I try as best I create a feeling of order, of Place. Sometimes it works, but...

These days I’ve got three people’s stuff to order. So much stuff!! How I also wish I were the kind of person who could pack three pair of pants and five tops and call it good. We are NOT light packers in this family. Clothes and toys and extra sweaters and books and kitchen supplies and more clothes and toys and books.

Hmm. I might be on to something here. I’m fighting this problem from both sides! Maybe the key to each is in the other. Pack less, have less chaos to control. 

I’ll have to work on that...



No comments:

Post a Comment